There comes a time when we get a knot in our stomach, a feeling of emptiness and hopelessness, trembling with fear, all while you’re supposed to lead a church into His presence. This, is self doubt.
I can be my own worst enemy and my own biggest critic sometimes, especially when I was younger and new to worship. I often questioned: does my tone sound awesome, is my voice doing okay, is my guitar in tune, do I really know these chords or lyrics, who is watching me or looking for me to mess up? Often I run all these questions right before playing and I ended up freaking myself out. Then I realized, that there comes a point where I did all the gifting and practicing and now it is time to allow God to take over. Easier said than done I know, and pretty corny to be honest, but it’s the truth.
There comes a time to trust in yourself and in your abilities for practicality and then there’s having to trust in the Lord over everything. He gave you these gifts for a reason and it’s our duty to use these talents to further His kingdom. Don’t stress, He’s going to carry and support you along the way. What does that look like you might ask? Trust in Him and see. Practice and do your practical duties and when it comes to stepping on that altar, you will see the fruit of your labor as He moves, using you and your team.
Always be creative, never limit yourself or give yourself a ceiling to what you can do. Experiment, listen to different kinds of music, revamp and relearn some of your parts (always check with your leader first to see if your ideas gel with the rest of the team) to deliver something fresh. We are designed to be creative and progress as musicians.
There may also come a time where you can say “You know what, I don’t think I’m ready for this.” and that is totally okay. I’d rather have someone be honest than someone who struggles and creates a difficult atmosphere for the team to work in. Be honest, be creative, trust in the Lord.
The greatest tool I’d say that you can utilize when you have self-doubt or feel insecure is prayer. Pray over your instrument, your voice, your hands, your team, and your leaders, pray constantly not solely out of desperation, but because you trust in the Lord and believe in what He can do.
Also, have fun. Don’t make this into a job or another duty that you are required to do. Realize that this is your opportunity to rejoice creatively.
-AO
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